My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
