she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
