My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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