hell yes lets make some ravioli
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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