So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
