Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
