I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
