so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
