why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
