I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
