I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
