i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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