I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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