You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
