I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
