I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
