So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
