What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
