I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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