worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
