An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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