They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
