I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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