Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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