She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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