I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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