how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
