im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
