sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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