also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
