can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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