From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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