You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
