you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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