Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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