I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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