Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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