Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
