Only a mothe r could love this liver
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
