we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
