Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't think brook has ever known best
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
