My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
