There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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