i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
