I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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