you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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