i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
