Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
