I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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