He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
