Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
