I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
