I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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