Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
where are you?
Hypothermia
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
