I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
