Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
