Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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