yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Need sex. Gaining weight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
