I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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