found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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