These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
