The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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