Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
