Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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