you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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